This was a very painful layout to do, but I feel better now that I have my feelings out on paper!

here is the journaling:

Every time I look at this… the one and only photo that has our entire family in it, and actually all clean, I can’t help but break into tears.
We went home for Robins baby brothers wedding. Back to our home town where our families live. My father was struggling with A.L.S. and we stayed at their house. What a happy day this was going to be. My husbands little brother was tying the knot and my husband and my 3 boys were in the wedding. This was going to be such a proud moment for me to see my 4 guys all in tuxes, my 4 men at their best. After the rehearsal dinner the night before I spent a lot of time with my dad, I rubbed his aching legs and rubbed lotion on his ailing back and we just sat together. The A.L.S. had taken away his ability to speak, but there was no need to speak the words of love we felt about each other. There was no uncomfortable silence in the room that night. Just a little girl and her daddy, I felt safe and happy. I felt at home. What a great weekend this was going to be.
The next morning I arose early to spend some time with him. Then began to get all he boys cleaned up and into their tuxedos, including my husband. I had my sister come over to do my hair, which I would have never done, but our relationship had blossomed thanks to my fathers illness. We truly became the sisters that we never were and anything in the past was the past and our father’s love did that for us. I remember leaving the house, and saying goodbye to him. He motioned to the boys to spin around in circles so he could check them out in their tuxedos, and gave us all a great big thumbs up with his huge infectious smile.
The photographs were taken before the ceremony in the church and the boys were so amazing. The ceremony was so special, I cried at the new love and new life beginning before me, with all it’s dreams and expectations. Then as the bride and groom walked out of the church to start their new adventure, I saw my niece standing in back of the church.
I knew, my knees buckled, my heart ached. I could not get to her fast enough. When I did all she said “Grandpa Passed”. My world was spinning, spinning out of control. She told me he passed an hour ago, which would have been exactly when we were taking the photos, and that he was still at home if I got there quick enough I could say goodbye. The world was silent, I could see everyone hugging and laughing around me, standing in this beautiful church, the bride and groom, my 3 boys, my husband…. How would I tell them? How could I say it out loud, how could this be happening, how could my father be gone? I managed to get the words out to my in-laws and they said “go, just go.” I did, I drove the 30 minute drive back to my parents as fast as I could, my heart racing, the tears streaming down my face, until I was about a block from the house. I could not make the gas go, I could not turn that corner, I could not breath. I knew my life would never be the same, my body was numb, there was music on the radio but I couldn’t here it, my fingers on the wheel were like icicles.
I did turn that corner, I did say good bye and my life will never be the same again. That is the real story behind this gorgeous one and only family photo.